33

33 weeks.

The nurses at my the hospital here in town today verified my very grateful feelings on my decision to not give birth here in Hum.
I went in for another weekly non-stress test and you could tell from the moment that I walked in that no one had read my chart.

"Why are you doing these weekly?" the first nurse asked coldly as she hooked me up, assuming that i'm probably full of shit. Or at least that is what her tone read. After i was gaslighted so many times with my pre-eclampsia I really have a short temper when it comes to medical professionals who treat women like they are constantly over-reacting.
It's like if you can't read my chart, if you don't already know why, then go fly a kite.
"Because UCSF wants them done." I replied in a short tone in response.
I was actually considering cutting some of my favorite dahlias from my TruGarden and bringing them to to nurses station today too- because last weeks nurse was such an angel. Last weeks nurse was sweet and teared up when I told her about Truman in a compassionate way.
I was grateful that I had run out of time to cut the dahlias for them with every word she spoke.
"Yes, why though?" she repeated.
I left a deliberate pause hoping that the silence would leave room for her own thoughts about how she should have read my chart to enter her brain.
"Because I was flown out of here down to UCSF with my last pregnancy, had early on set, severe pre-clampsia and resulted in 2 weeks of hospitalization where my son had decellerations on and off during that time and then ended up dying in the NICU."
"Oh, I see." she said. No sorry, no nothing.

Then the next nurse asked the same question and my patience level was low at the point.
I am an animal nurse, so I know that it is unprofessional to walk into a room and start asking questions when all of the answers are literally sitting right there in my chart and they are just too lazy to read them. Not to mention deeply personally and painful questions.
All someone needs to do is write PREECLAMPSIA on first page in my chart and INFANT LOSS and highlight it so every new nurse can quickly look an get the gist.
After the second explanation that day.... for a total of 4 explanations at the same Labor and Deliver in this small hospital I had definitely had it.
Before I left the laborist for the day came in to talk to me- she (thankfully for her sake and for mine) had read my chart before coming in and proceeded to talk to me about fear and birthing this time around. She mentioned that it is very good that I clearly understand that these are two totally different pregnancies and two totally different babies because it will help with the fear.
Don't you think that maybe the nursing staff would figure out that if you are making a patient re-tell and re-live her last experience over and over again every single time she comes in that it might be detrimental to her relaxation? It definitely reassured me that they are not the hospital for me.


Today on ultrasound I got some really good peaks of Remy.
He is beautiful- big chubby cheeks, pouty lips and some duck fluff hair already. My little lion cubs are serious about their manes. ;) He yawned and stretched for us.
One characteristic really jumped out at me though- his nose. It looks exactly like Truman's.
After Truman was born Jeff and I were both trying to figure out whose nose it was and where he got it from and what I think now is that its just some sort of genetic mesh of mine and Jeff's together.... because it's pretty distinct of a baby nose in my opinion.
Brother's with the same nose.
I wonder what else they will have that's alike.