Tragedy, anger and old resentment

My friend, Scott, I have known him as long as I can remember.
He was my boyfriend on and off in the 5th and 6th grade. We've lost touch over the years but he will always be a part of my past.

His fiancee and his 7 month old beautiful little girl were in an accident yesterday around 9 am.
A drunk driver hit them and it killed his baby girl.
The driver was already charged with a DWI and after the accident was put on bail and released.

News video

His daughter is dead...

I didn't sleep much last night after the news.
To be honest, it sent my own grief reeling. I just put myself in his shoes. It's close to home. Re-living the loud and deafening anguish of those first few weeks and months.
Makes me sick that Scott has to go through this. I was fucking pissed and no one in particular took my child's life. I can not imagine the anger that he must be feeling... and if it hasn't come yet, i'm sure it will. I am angry for them. and i am so far away from home, so far to do anything to really help besides be one of them many who continue to write to them. Lost in a sea of letters.

The dimensions of losing a child.
it's never ending, far reaching, louder and bigger then you can imagine unless you've lived through it yourself.
The loss seems to be contagious and seeps into every single groove and crack of your life. You lose more then just your child. As if that wasn't enough.

I could go on and on about how much i lost and continue to lose. but there are never enough words.

and you know, people say stupid shit..... this is in the public eye now.... i can not even imagine the volume of stupid shit that people are going to say to them..... makes me cringe just thinking about it.

I just wish that i was there to help them on some level.
what i really wish is that no one would ever have to experience the death of a child again. if only.

For me this has spurred a range of emotions, one being old resentment.
I have this old friend who i think is an asshole. Said person angers me with many of their actions for a multitude of reasons. and they just were flat out not there for me when Truman died.
But when ANYTHING else happens in the community, there that person is, saying SOMETHING, anything, publicly. and it is just a slap in the face, maybe even a spit in the face.

So of course this person is showing concern for this family.... but not mine when it was my time... and it angers me all over again. I am really angry right now and trying to direct it away from this meaningless topic and utter waste of time.
This person wasn't just a friend, they were part of my family. So i just can not even wrap my mind around how person can live with themselves. Seriously. or how they could be so self obsessed/ involved that the death of Truman, an innocent baby, wasn't enough to snap them out of it. To me the only thing that makes sense is that said person has completely lost themselves and their mind. To act with such disregard of the relationship.... of the grief... of the tragedy.
Said person was telling me about how busy they were, just wayyyy too overwhelmed with life to call when T died but you look at their facebook page and there are countless self portraits posing and showing off body parts. Anyone who has that much time on there hands... well it speaks for itself really.
and i put up with that person's self inflicted drama's for so long and when something happened to me that was so painful, they were distant- on purpose for no reason. It's beyond hurtful.
So anytime something happens like this, it brings that back up for me.
But nothing will ever fix it or make it easier for me so i'm not even sure how just ignore it. Now i just have to LIVE with this person constantly insulting me and what we went through. Truman deserved to have words, love and attention just like Baylee does now.

We all need support in the face of such HEART BREAK. I was just missing said person's kids before all of this happened and thinking about the good old times.... and then Baylee was taken way too soon and this horrible situation served as a reminder.... the trauma that I went through and was ignored.
Truman was ignored.
Fuck that.