Empathy Missing and Health Insurance

When it comes to seeing animals, babies or other innocents in pain or suffering i have more empathy then normal. So much so that i can not handle it. Hence me not being able to function in my normal profession as a Veterinary Nurse, now-a-days. Emotionally, I would be a wreck.

But i have noticed that when it comes to other women... mother's (who haven't lost children).... not so much.

it's almost like a knee jerk reaction. and it's something that i hate about myself.

My friend C is a massage therapist and she has been working on breaking up my scar tissue from my c-section. (i guess it's suppose to help with uterine health) When she works on me she says that people usually have emotional responses to her work... I haven't had any real release from it, yet.

She was telling me about her other clients who are having work done... several women traumatized from their c-sections.... one woman traumatized from her natural child birth bawling during sessions... and while i am writing this i am thinking to myself "yeah, it's hard and i can imagine it being hard for other people in different circumstances."
But my knee-jerk reaction when she is saying this stuff to me, in the moment, (internal dialogue only) is "Boo-hoo, Give me a f'ing break."
and I feel myself internally roll my eyes and get a little put off at other women feeling so sorry for themselves. With their alive children.

I wonder if this is how i will be for the rest of my life. I hope not because logically I know that I shouldn't assume anything about someone else's life.
Somewhere in between a cold hearted bitch and a weeping softy would be ideal. But nowadays when it comes to other people's pain, i seem to be either one or the other.

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I haven't blogged about this topic because i didn't want to stir any political pot.
But it's my reality. and it effects my future as a mother.
Since Truman has died I applied for health insurance and was denied due to my pre-eclampsia.
Which obviously sent me into a panic over if we could even afford to ever try to have another child. I was depressed. I felt hopeless. I was angry.
I thought having to wait to try again because of my classical incision (have to wait for 12-18 months) was hard enough and then i was hit with this... i was not in a good place.
No one would take me and my only other option would be to get crappy health insurance through Jeff's school at about 1,800 a month.... not including any maternity coverage. It was looking bleak.
Luckily, Obama's preexisting Condition Insurance Plan allows me to have that shred of hope back... I sent in the application yesterday. hopefully no matter what happens politically that they keep this plan because people like me need it. Although from what i understand it is being reviewed by the Supreme Court and they might throw the whole thing out. Also makes me nervous for the up coming presidential election... (please please please don't take this health care away from me). I never thought that our president would actively be helping me have my second child, but he is. His work directly and dramatically is effecting my life.
Anyways, along the way I have talked to people who are against Health Care Reform.
Those who are literally telling me to my face that they don't care what my situation is (past/present/future), or anyone else's situation is. They don't like it and it's "never going to work.".................
Empathy.
Where the is their empathy?
Where is recognizing that something needs to change to help the sick people in this country? and tweaking the plan might be an okay idea instead of just throwing the whole idea out?
They look at a picture of Truman and hear our story and it means nothing to them because they haven't lived through it. Because they aren't connected to it in some way. They don't care that basically because i had really bad luck by getting pre-eclampsia that now i have to pay for it for the rest of my life.
You better not get sick in this country because it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Just because you get better doesn't mean that it goes away.
Now that Naomi is fighting lymphoma, she is another one in my immediate circle that this directly effects.
She has to continue to work a 40 hour work week while going through aggressive chemo and radiation treatments in order to keep her health insurance and have money to pay rent and eat. She can't just stop everything and go get the best possible care at a Cancer hospital... she's not rich enough for that.
And cancer is one hell of a preexisting condition.
But no one cares unless it's their family... and it's upsetting to me.

Can you imagine if our fire department and our police stations worked like our health care system works??
"My house is on fire but i don't have enough money to call a fire fighter." The whole neighborhood would be on fire.

Sorry, this turned into a rant.
But if you are still reading, you get the point. Empathy is missing lately.

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I never look through Jeff's phone.... like ever.
When i text or call him this picture of me pops up... a picture of me before Truman. Florida Keys me, to be precise.
I saw it today and I was blown away at how much physically and emotionally i have changed from that person.
Anyways, it made me flip through his pictures.
I found another photo that i have never seen of Truman and I got SO excited.
There were times when Jeff would go down to the NICU to spend time with him alone. This must be from one of those times.

Even though all of his pictures are pretty much the same, it still felt like present.
My precious little sweet T. <3
I love you Truman.