Tru Love.

Today actually felt like fall in NY here. I woke up and it was cloudy, that dark grey sky color that makes all the other colors pop, followed by a few claps of thunder and heavy rain. Now the sun is peeking out but the air is crisp. I haven't been this homesick for Buffalo for as long as I can remember, maybe ever.

I spent the morning wondering if today would be the day that Truman would have come if I didn't get pre-eclampsia. I'll never know because its not what happened.
I feel like I sort of lost my mind the past few days and I'm coming out of it now. It was a jumble of chaotic thoughts and energy that I didn't know was there until I started to feel it leave.

A fellow baby loss momma wrote this.... I thought it was very well written.

This Is Grief

by JESSICA on OCTOBER 2, 2011 

Lifting my eyes to the sun, I blink the world quiet.

Ribboning waves thread to sands of silk.

Golden rays and the tickle of giggles brush me with warmth.

This is perfection.

But this is grief.

Grief is standing in the most beautiful place you have ever known,

walking as close to heaven as you are far.

Picturing the rise and the fall of breath you can’t feel across your cheek.

Sensing the weight of a head of curls that will never brush your shoulder.

Reaching for a hand that should fit perfectly in yours but never will

and listening for a heartbeat that stopped long ago.

Grief is anchored in an air full of longing

and lost dreams

and missed birthdays.

Grief is the pull of waves that keeps you from dancing on the shore.