Sorry that i haven't been reading and commenting as much too.
I have been so busy with the new job, the final wedding planning details and visitors coming and going.
You guys have all been on my mind though, believe me. I think of each of you through my days and actually found something at work that is perfect for baby dragon's arrival (SG)!
I'll post it for you soon ;)
My grief hasn't changed much lately. I'm at a loss for words again. The 10 month mark was hard of me for some reason. But all other days seem to feel the same. Things remind me of him throughout my day, i pause, hug his sweet little body and brush his fuzzy head against my cheek in my mind and then go on with what i am doing.
I do have to say though that i am starting to believe that children have a sixth sense of things. All the babies and really young kids that come into work STARE at me... and there will be tons of other people around but they are dead locked on me. I'll look up and realize that their eyes are following me around the room. I wish i could ask them what they are looking at. I like to think that they can see Truman and that it's not just my blond hair.
I met another woman who lost a child due to pre-e here in town. I wanted to write about it, but there isn't much to say. She seemed very spaced out and annoyingly positive for someone who has experienced baby loss. She lost her baby around 5 months and when i talked to her seemed like she had little to no emotion on the topic. I'm not judging, we all deal differently in order to survive. She sort of just looked at me like she pitied me. I was just surprised at how much meeting her *didn't* effect me. I felt like she had no idea the pain that i carry everyday, which wasn't what i was expecting when our mutual friend introduced us. But that could just be my interruption of the conversation. Either way, it was whatever.
i will be reading and commenting when i can. lots of love to you guys, always. xoxo
Glad to see you're back - hope the wedding planning is going well and that you are enjoying having visitors and settling into your new work.
ReplyDelete10 months, wow. I've been surprised by which anniversaries struck me down - sometimes just out of the blue. Be kind to yourself <3 I'm sorry you didn't find a kindred spirit in the other pre-e mom you met.
And I can't wait to see what you found for baby dragon! :)
I'm glad to hear from you, Laura. You've often been on my mind, and I've missed you here.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to you meeting the woman who had lost her baby to pre-e as well, I don't know--I'm afraid I would have found that interaction very confusing, and wouldn't relate. But perhaps she is still in shock? Who knows. Some people are hard to read or don't share much or build protective walls.
I would normally have lots more to say, but I'm having a difficult time finding the words right now. Just wanted to let you know that I'm happy to hear from you, and I'm still here, listening. xo
always thinking of you and truman. And Jeff. Hope you got to celebrate father's day in a special memorable way
ReplyDeleteStill reading... albeit belatedly
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