I really wanted to participate because I LOVED seeing all of your faces and hearing your voices. It helped me connect so much more to you ladies. You really are real ;)
Since Truman died in August, I didn't have a ton of blog options, no one blog that really stood out.
So its morning, I'm sleepy and waiting for the coffee to brew and decided to give this Spoken Word a shot. Definitely emotional to read it out loud.
If you want to join in this Round Up, check out Angie's Blog here.
Laura Beck~ What a lovely post. It is great to see your face. I was out of town last weekend and my week has been pretty crazy but I wanted you to know I am watching and reading and sending you my love. I wish Truman was here with you. 2 months old and perfect. I am sorry that you have been separated. You are right words never do justice to the feeling. No words are able to capture our love and longing...I have no idea what I would write. I have thought of that, what would I say...but I just don't know. "I love you with all my heart" sums it up but seems to fall short simultaneously.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for the loss of your son, Truman, and also for the loss of your own mother as such a young age. This was a beautiful post, I think that the quotation is right. Death doesn't end a relationship, it doesn't stop our thoughts turning to that person and our hearts reaching for that person. Even if they are no longer physically there.
ReplyDeleteI have written to my daughter but there are no words that could say all that I wanted to, all that I intended to. When she was alive in the NICU, I remember whispering to her that I loved her and that I was so proud of her. I whisper that to her still sometimes. I hope she hears. I hope that Truman hears you. Thank you for sharing this post with us, it is a very weird experience reading to a computer but I'm glad you went for it xo
:( My heart breaks for you Laura. I wish I could give you a big hug. You are such a beautiful person Laura and a wonderful mother.
ReplyDeleteMuch love
Laura Beck, thank you, *thank you* for your brave, true, beautiful video post.
ReplyDeleteI just read through your entire blog archive - all about Truman, all about what happened. The trauma of what you have been forced to endure - you, your son, your whole family - too much. It is so brutal and all too much. I don't have to tell you. Nobody knows it better than you.
What you are feeling must defy words. Because what I felt reading it all - I wanted to run screaming through the walls of that SF hospital and shake doctors by the shoulders until their teeth rattled. I wanted to hit, hard, every "health professional" who would not listen to you in the months that you tried to tell them something was very wrong. I am so angry that they treated you like a liar and a food-sneaking little fool - when actually, you knew better than any of them.
Even though I believe in God, I feel sick that people tried to act like they could "explain" why this "had" to happen to you and Truman. It shows so clearly that they have no idea the depth of what you have suffered - and that the suffering goes on and on and on and on. They somehow think some reason they would give would be enough. And their heartless, horrid, cruelty (even if sometimes, they were just ignorant) at a time like this makes an already unbearable situation - harder to bear. If that's possible.
I'm even angry at the woman in the restaurant who made the baby "wave" at you. Yes, I'm mad at her, too. I know she didn't know, and I don't care.
Anger is not the only thing though. Mostly, I just feel that the wretched black hole in the universe (if that makes any sense at all), what happened to Truman, what happened to you - the pain of that is far beyond any words. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. Why????????
It is so unfair.
A stranger's heart breaking with yours tonight,
Cathy in Missouri
I hate what's happened to you, and I hate that losing a baby is what we have in common... but I'm so glad you decided to post. I think your blog is lovely, and I like you very much. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I just clicked over from Angie's page, I've been trying to work up the courage to read something as well. You set a good example and your video was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteIt is *so* unnatural to separate mother and child :(
ReplyDeleteThis makes me want to write Elizabeth a letter. Thank you -
Laura, I'm so very sorry for the loss of Truman, and of your mother. I understand a little how those two events entwine. My father died when I was 17, and I know when my daughter died I struggled to understand how that all fit together, or even if it did.
ReplyDeleteYou read beautifully, with dignity, I'm certain your mother and Truman would be so very proud of you. You are a beautiful mother.x
Well done Laura. What a brave thing to do and a beautiful tribute to lovely Truman xx
ReplyDeleteOh my. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Truman. I love that name. I wish so much he was home with you right now. My heart just broke for you watching your video. I am glad you joined in, but I am so sorry that you're here even at all. Sending you lots of love.
ReplyDeletexo
Thats a very brave thing, beautiflul post and tribute Truman. xo
ReplyDeleteGreat post - wonderfully read. I love the thread & needle analogy... "Everything I do is stitched with its colour." So so true. My son's stillbirth changed my as much as if he'd lived... my life is intertwined with his... for once and all.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this touching blogpost with us. Off to read more.
Oh, Laura, you beautiful, amazing, brave mama. Thanks so much for sharing this. I'm so sorry Truman isn't in your arms right now, and also for the loss of your mother. The way you connect your mother's love for you and your love for Truman is so beautifully expressed here, and it was amazing to hear your words in your lovely voice, to see the love on your beautiful face as you spoke to Truman.
ReplyDeleteLaura, I have clicked over from Angie's blog. I am sorry your precious little boy is not in your arms where he should be. I am glad you felt able to participate in Angie's blog round-up but am sorry that you even know of the existence of this corner of the internet - a corner full of love where no one want to be.
ReplyDeleteYour video was beautiful and your love for Truman shines out.
Your mother and your son. Oh my goodness. I can only echo the words of everyone else here. Thank you so much sweet lady x
ReplyDeleteI too have lost my father when I was 13 and now a mother of an angel. It just doesn't seem fair to have to live through so much pain and suffering. I am so sorry, so very sorry that Truman isn't snuggled up against you in that blanket right now, as he should be.
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog through Angie's blog. I watched this and read your story... and my heart breaks for you. I lost my son, Nathan, on July 21, 2011. It was a different circumstance and he was a lot younger in gestation but even still, this fresh, raw pain hurts. It sucks. I wasn't going to do the video but I may reconsider, now that I see that someone on here is closer to my timeline. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI so agree about the letter. How do you go about writing a letter saying everything you want to say when words fail to really say everything you want them to? ♥♥
ReplyDeleteYour grief and love is palpable. So much loss you've had to endure, I am so sorry. I hope your mum is somewhere beautiful with your Truman.
ReplyDeletexo