A person is still a person, no matter how small

Truman Montgomery Clerc.

I first felt my boy move inside me at 9 weeks. Which is very early for a first pregnancy. Looking back i am so grateful that I could feel him so early on. Every day was a gift with him.

He loved banjo music. Jeff would play for him and he would get so active.

I couldn't get enough mangoes or blueberries when I was pregnant with him.

Whales, Quails and Lions remind us of our boy.
When I first had signs of Pre-eclampsia, a Grey Whale and her calf were spotted in the Klamath river here, where we live. Everyone was SO psyched about these whales. So we went to the river to see them for ourselves the week that I was emergency flown to San Fran. I took one look at the mother and calf and my stomach dropped. I knew something was very wrong. She had a pattern to her movement. Fish and Wildlife had tried to move her back down the river but she wasn't having it. I remember wishing so much to talk with a Marine Mammal specialist and volunteer my help to help her but I was so very pregnant. Everyone else was elated that they were there and I started talking with some of the other locals. I started to be more direct with them saying that she is an ocean animal and that she was basically starving to death by living in a fresh water river. This didn't seem to click with a lot of people. Long story short, the week that I came home from the hospital the baby whale left his mother and headed out to the ocean and his mother passed away in the river alone shortly after. I felt such a huge connection to those whales. I knew that they were in trouble, I knew that i was in trouble. I think about that baby and how it knew how to navigate back to the ocean and how hard it must have been to leave his mother. I still think about that baby and where he may be now and wonder if he survived. But clearly the mother knew that she was sick and knew that she had a calf that was still nursing and so she went to the river for safety so the killer whales wouldn't harm her baby. What mother's instinctively do for their children is amazing. The timing of the Klamath whales was very symbolic to me. I cried so hard when I heard that she had passed away. I'll never forget them as long as I live.

Truman was most active at night time, I used to fall asleep to him moving inside of me. It was by far the most comforting feeling in the world to fall asleep to.
Even when we in the hospital, he would always move off of the monitor at night, or have a "decell" at night. He died at 5:13am.... to me, thats night, it was still dark out.

He loved the movie theater, especially action films. The most active I ever felt him was at the movie "Thor".

He was a sweet, calm and curious baby. He would be moving around and there would be a loud sound and he would freeze and wait for it again and then go back to moving all over. I always imagined him lifting an ear in curiosity.

He loved it the most when I would talk all high pitched to the dogs and be goofy with them.

i saw him yawn once during an ultrasound.

I say that he was calm because I sensed it from the way that he moved inside of me. Even at his most active there was something sleepy about him.... kind of like Jeff in that sense.

He was sweet. I was surprised at how affectionate that he was at 29 weeks when he came out. The last time that I touched him while he was conscious he was sweeping his feet back and forth on my hand. Almost like playing footsie. I remember being touched by it.

He slept with one eye cracked open, his right eye, just like Jeff. I am adopted so for me to see genetics at work that close to my heart was amazing, it blew my mind.

Truman had Jeff's upper lip, my lower. My chin, my forehead, my eye setting and structure but Jeff's shape. He had Jeff's skin coloration, ears, arms, palms, chest, legs and feet but my fingers, toes and hair. I couldn't tell whose nose he had, I think it was a mix of both of ours.

I've never been a plant person but when I was pregnant with him every single flower stood out to me.

He loved the song "This must be the place (Naive Melody). Which is now painfully ironic because of the lyrics, they hit very close to home.
On the way home from the hospital a cover of the song was on the radio, this song is NEVER on the radio, so again with the weird timing.

I'm missing my sweet boy. Today and always. I wish so much that we had more time together.




Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - born with a weak heart
(So I) guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok I know nothing's wrong . . nothing

Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up say goodnight . . . say goodnight

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from the other
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be

Hi yo We drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all those kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love my till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head
Ah ooh